I’m taking comfort, tonight, in a verse I read in 2 Corinthians, the first chapter where Paul discusses the fact that he had experienced a great deal of trouble to the point where he, “despaired even of life.” But, in retrospect he viewed the experience as a means of coming to realize that we are not to rely on ourselves while experiencing dark times (or anytime for that matter), but, that we should rely on God instead.
As I’ve walked, one foot in front of the other lately, I have been asking myself at various points throughout each day, what am I not doing that I should be doing so that I can get this whole living for Christ thing right? Or, what is it that I’m doing wrong that keeps me feeling like I’m locked outside during a winter rain storm?
Deep down, I know that my eternal fate is not in my own hands, but, in His hands. I can’t help, it seems, but to be paranoid about it, though. A faint voice in the back of my head keeps poking and telling me that I need to watch myself or I’ll end up not having earned my way to heaven.
The truth is that I’ll never earn my way. I’ll never get it all right. Instead, I need to rely, like Paul declared, on God’s grace. It is my only hope.