I feel like I’ve been caught in a slow motion reel lately. Kind of like trying to steer a car with a horribly loose steering mechanism. I see the scenery pass me by and I know that I should have turned back there, but, I can’t seem to change the direction of the car.
I’ve become more aware, lately, of the concept of hypocrisy. My life is tinged with its scent. Though, I do not proclaim verbally that I am any better off than anyone else, the default mental stance that I take often indicates the presence of my subconscious hypocrite.
Intellectually I know that the goal is to have consistency between my thoughts, my words, and my deeds. It seems, though, that when I get one of the three on track, the other two come unglued. On a good day maybe its just one that comes undone, but, still I fall short.
I can’t seem to get over the fact that the truth is right there for my eyes to read in black and white, but, that the devotional-procrastinating, lazy, sensation-driven hypocritical sinner in me wins every day.
I thank God that the sinner’s fall has been obliterated by the present, risen Jesus.
m e a n d e r s 
Aren’t the words of CH Spurgeon true? “Til sin become bitter, the gospel will not be sweet”. I, too am in that same boat, of seeing my sin as it permeates every area of my life, and how I can’t seem to ever gain a leg up on it.
Praise God that the glorious truth of the gospel can sink into our hearts in spite of that mess! We are known and loved, loved and known even in the middle of our hypocrisy and guilt and sin. Jesus has paid it all and taken away our shame.
Wow!! Your words are a reflection of where I was near the early part of ’07.
I had the gentle urging of the Holy Spirit asking “Chris when are you going to quit putting me off, when are you going to get serious about studying the Word, for goodness sake, you don’t even have a Bible in the apartment son!” “You could be doing so much more that’s spiritually constructive, instead of wasting time drinking, watching movies and playing video games… I’m here and waiting for you.”
Ultimately, a bout of unforgiveness and ungrace, reading and understanding the words in Galations 5:19-21, coupled with the revelation/realization of how tainted my life and character had become were the catalyst for me to get serious about developing a relationship with Christ, through daily devotion to His Word.
I pray that nothing as drastic need be the “motivating factor” for you but instead, I pray that it simply be a desire to be pleasing to God, because He loves you.
Best wishes in working through your struggle.
Grace and peace be with you.