It is a privilege to be able to read the Word of God. It is a blessing to read about His actions, movements, and interactions and understand how His can inform mine.
I’ve spent a disproportionate amount of time obsessing about this world of blogging. I think that there is some honest intent in my efforts, but, likely buried deep beneath a layer of impostor sod. I crave comments…good ones at that! I check it multiple times a day, browse other blogs so that I can comment there in the hopes that others will link back to mine and comment, just so that I can affirm myself.
But, when I strip it all down, when I look at the amount of time I devote to this plastic vehicle, I realize that so much of it is hollow. Mere empty calories. Providing no nourishment, but, feeding the gluttony of me. Rolling around in my own noise, I steal time from my Abba. Time that could and should be spent reading His Word, loving my wife, meditating silently on His Greatness, or playing with my daughter…time that should be spent serving Him…loving God with all of my mind, heart, and spirit…loving my neighbor, my wife, my child, as I love myself. This time has been spent just serving my own selfish, fleeting, groundless, wasteful desires. I’m serving my impostor a three-course steak dinner while starving the ones that I love.
Now it is time to go to bed. I will do so realizing with clarity what mistakes I need to learn from and apply to tomorrow’s walk. I do so realizing that my Abba loves me as much now, at the end of this idolatry-laden day, as much as He did before I rolled out of bed this morning.
Stretched to the point that holes were revealed in my soul
I jammed corks in, trying to plug the leaks, but, never fast enough to stay afloat
I entertained false saviors alternately cloaked in ambition, idolatry, and desire – often reeking of vodka and smoke
It was through increasing recognition of my brokenness, and decreasing ability to ignore my Daddy’s call, that I realized and accepted his plea to let him take the weight off my back
So I stand now, no better a man than anyone else, but, confident in His unconditional love for me, his child
From the perspective of ants who look up from their humble livelihoods to the sky above the Serengeti
We yell and shake our fists at God complaining that he allows all of this hell to exist while he stands back doing nothing about it
Darfur, starvation, rape, oppression, disease, and suffering
Heaven, manna, Love, freedom, eternal life, and hope
The One who is above it all will hear
If we can recognize the need to set aside our humanistic skepticism and ask
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:12
Rolling around in your own noise
Reveling the thought that people are turning their heads to see you
Take a puff or another slice
When the smoke clears and the scar forms
You will still be left with nothing
Unless you take what He offers
God is not found in a church. The great I AM is too big for a building, a bureaucratic hierarchy, or a denominational stance.
Audible words are not necessary. God knows your heart whether you know it or not. Stop trying to look at others to find God.
We will never be satisfied if we hope to find meaning in a building. We will never find peace like a river by watching the walk of another person.
Instead, find it in your soul right now by taking off your masks and asking God for it. Grab the grace. It is unearned. It is free. It is available. Live in peace.
It occurred to me last night that Jesus was there with me as I prepared to close my eyes. Likewise, he is here with me now as I type. He is with you, where you are, as you read this. This might make some uncomfortable. Others find great peace in the fact that Christ knows them thoroughly. I was created to love God. He knows my thoughts, my intentions, and my actions, for better or worse. He knows what I’m going to say before the words are even formed in my mouth. I find great comfort in knowing that none of us are as we should be, but, he died for us anyway.
“For me, the most radical demand of Christian faith lies in summoning the courage to say yes to the present risennes of Jesus Christ. I have been a Christian for nearly fifty years, and I have seen the first fervor wear off in the long, undramatic routine of life. I have lived long enough to appreciate that Christianity is lived more in the valley than on the mountaintop, that faith is never doubt-free, and that although God has revealed Himself in creation and in history, the surest way to know God is, in the words of Thomas Aquinas, as tamquam ignotum, as utterly unknowable. No thought can contain Him, no word can express Him; He is beyond anything we can intellectualize or imagine.” -From Abba’s Child, by Brennan Manning Pp.98, 1994